


Pelican Town's Group Chat

by Enderperson



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: I mean Shane is in here and I also made Sebastian really really really fucking emo, Other, Plus i made the farmer lowkey(highkey) based on myself, Recreational Drug Use, Tw: Suicidal Mentions, also Shane, at first it will mostly be the meme team aka Sam Abigail and Sebastian, because i'm pretty confident in their personalities, i also don't currently plan any actual romance or ships happening but we'll see i guess, so people will show up more as i gain confidence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-05-01 18:19:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 5,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14526417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enderperson/pseuds/Enderperson
Summary: Hi, I'm better at memes and shitposting than actual writing who would have thought?I've been writing this for a little while out of boredom so I figured I might as well post it, y'know.*By Suicidal Mentions I mean characters saying "I'mma kms" jokingly. That's it. But I figured I should tag it anyway.**I said I made Sebastian really emo, and by that I mean he's just EVEN MORE angsty than he is in-game. He doesn't like cut or anything.





	1. A Normal Day In The Town Of Pelican

**Author's Note:**

> FarmBoy: Player  
> Weeb: Sam  
> SwordsRCool: Abigail  
> EmoWizard: Sebastian  
> Harvey: Harvey  
> No: Shane  
> SummerGirl: Haley  
> GridballMaster: Alex  
> Robot: Maru  
> Fashionista: Emily  
> BeachLife: Elliott  
> TheArtist: Leah  
> Penny: Penny

\- Fall, Year 2 Wednesday -  
\- 1:13 PM -

FarmBoy: hey sebastian can i call you bastian??? 

EmoWiazrd: Absolutely not.

FarmBoy: what about beepboop?

EmoWizard: Don't ever talk to me ever again.

FarmBoy: HARSH

Weeb: all in favor of calling seb bastian say fuck yes

SwordsRCool: FUCK YES

FarmerBoy: F U C K Y E S

EmoWizard: Honestly? I hate you all.

No: The feeling's mutual.

FarmerBoy: i'll make u sashimi

EmoWizard: Fine, I only mildly dislike you. But you're still not allowed to call me Bastian.

Weeb: fiiine

SwordsRCool: To your face anyway lol

EmoWizard: Abigail meet me in the pit.

SwordsRCool: Kay

FarmerBoy: hey serious question because i just checked my mail and why the hell did the mayor ask ME to find his lost boxers????????

Weeb: LMAO

No: Check my aunts room.

SwordsRCool: I always knew they were fuckin.

FarmerBoy: i

FarmerBoy: i don't /want/ to find them, or touch them, or even look at them

SummerGirl: Ew.

FarmerBoy: RIGHT

FarmerBoy: LIKE HOW MANY PEOPLE HE FUCKIN THAT HE CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHERE HE LEFT THEM HIMSELF????????

Harvey: I swear I have the worst timing whenever I check this chat.

FarmerBoy: So, Shane.

No: No.

FarmerBoy: JUST TELL MARNIE TO RETURN THEM OR TO TELL THE MAYOR THEY'RE IN HER ROOM

No: i dont actually know if they are its just the most likely place

FarmerBoy: BLS

No: maybe

No: but if i do you owe me

FarmerBoy: i'll literally do anything

Weeb: anything? ;0

SwordsRCool: oo~

FarmerBoy: hecc off

EmoWizard: Watch your fucking language.

FarmerBoy: dont tell me how to live my life

Weeb: FARMER IS READY FOR BATTLE, AND HE'S DONE WIT BASTIAN'S SHIT

Robot: I just heard a loud bang from downstairs, and since my phone has been buzzing nonstop for the last ten minutes I know it was you all.

SwordsRCool: scroll up

Robot: Oh.

Weeb: maru i dare you to call ur brother bastian during dinner

Robot: Unlike some people in this chat I don't have a death wish.

FarmerBoy: i'll get chu that gud stuff if u do it

Robot: ..How many?

SwordsRCool: why do i feel like im watching a drug deal??

FarmerBoy: 5

FarmerBoy: abby i would never do a drug deal online i aint stupit

Weeb: then whats the gud stuff?????

Robot: Deal.

FarmingBoy: Iridium Bars.

Weeb: o

Weeb: WAIT

Weeb: u gotta record it 2!!!!

Robot: Then I'll need more than 5.

FarmingBoy: Oof. 10?

Robot: You drive a hard bargain.

Robot: Done.

Weeb: farmer now im in your debt

FarmerBoy: I mean.

FarmerBoy: The whole fucking town is, by how much I do for all y'all but I digress. 

Harvey: "All y'all" doesn't make sense. You're saying all you all.

FarmerBoy: Are you tryin to fite doc??????

FarmerBoy: Bcuz i will fite u

Harvey: I very seriously doubt that.

SwordsRCool: Meet up at Harvey's if u wanna c an ass woopin

Weeb: finally some action in this town

GridballMaster: Is this actually happening?

Harvey: No.

FarmerBoy: Y E S

FarmerBoy: i'm already on my way 

Harvey: ......

Weeb: YO I OPENED MY FRONT DOOR AND A BROWN BLUR JUST FLIES BY FARMER IS SERIOUS

Harvey: I locked my door.

SwordsRCool: LMAO farmer ran into the door, bounced off and is now just lying on the ground

FarmerBoy: I haven't run that fast since that time I was in the mines and suddenly bugs were everywhere. 

Harvey: How did you even get here so fast?

FarmerBoy: Typed while I walked? I was already near Goku's house when I said I'd fight u

Harvey: I see.

FarmerBoy: Now stop being a coward and come outside.

SwordsRCool: Yea don't be a lil bitch

GridballMaster: Goku?

FarmerBoy: our resident weeb

GridballMaster: Oh sam

Weeb: i wanna be offended but my username is literally weeb

Harvey: I'm staying inside for the rest of the day.

FarmerBoy: fine

FarmerBoy: i'll wait till u least expect it

FarmerBoy: you'll think i'll have forgotten but i haven't i never will

EmoWizard: What the fuck did I come back to?

Weeb: farmer gettin real

Harvey: I'm actually very terrified currently.

EmoWizard: Why? It's farmer. His memory is shit.

FarmerBoy: Not when it comes to grudges

EmoWizard: Oh, then your fucked. 

SwordsRCool: RestInPissHarvey

Harvey: Why do you all want to see Farmer beat me up?

SwordsRCool: It's not that we want to see YOU get beaten up in particular, it's that we wanna see someone get beaten up.

Weeb: ^^^^^^^^

GridballMaster: yeah pretty much

EmoWizard: There's no other entertainment here what do you expect??

Harvey: I expect you all to act civilized.

FarmerBoy: Doc the majority of the people in this chat are in their early twenties civilized isn't our "thing"

Weeb: tru

SwordsRCool: Yeah i think Harvey's the oldest one here, depending on how old shane actually is

No: And you'll never find out.

Harvey: You all act fine, for the most part, outside of the chat?

EmoWizard: Yeah, because of our parents and the old people. 

SwordsRCool: This is our refuge to be one with our true selves

Harvey: Okay. That's enough of this chat for today. I'm muting it for the rest of the day.

FarmerBoy: so who wants to change harvey's name????

Weeb: M E

Weeb: give me a minute to think of a good one okokok

GridballMaster: wat about bugs?

Weeb: but like

Weeb: w h y

FarmerBoy: Bugs Bunny. Classic. Nice thinking Alex.

Weeb: damn i was gunna say frankenstein

FarmerBoy: also good

SwordsRCool: VOTE

SwordsRCool: I say frankenstein

BeachLife: Frankenstein.

FarmerBoy: were u lurking

BeachLife: I usually do if my phone continues to buzz for a long time. 

Farmerboy: Nice.

FarmerBoy: Also i say bugs

EmoWizard: Bugs is classic but frankenstein

SummerGirl: Just change it to frankenstein we all know it's going to win

\- Weeb has changed Harvey's name to Frankenstein -

GridballMaster: hes gunna hate us 2morro

FarmerBoy: Good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Farmer's name will get increasingly fucked up and that's on purpose.


	2. Farmer Is Gay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FarmBoy: Player  
> Weeb: Sam  
> SwordsRCool: Abigail  
> EmoWizard: Sebastian  
> Frankenstein: Harvey  
> No: Shane  
> SummerGirl: Haley  
> GridballMaster: Alex  
> Robot: Maru  
> Fashionista: Emily  
> BeachLife: Elliott  
> TheArtist: Leah  
> Penny: Penny

\- Fall, Year 2 Thursday -  
\- 6:27 AM -

FarmerBoy: GOOD MORNING EVERYONE :D

\- 10:41 AM -

SwordsRCool: Yesterday he was ruthless, today he's bein cute

EmoWizard: The true duality of man.

Robot: You guys seriously couldn't have waited until later today to change my boss' username?

Weeb: oops lol

Robot: I'm going to hear about it all day when he figures it out.

EmoWizard: Good. Suffer.

Robot: I SAID I WAS SORRY 

SwordsRCool: I'm sensing a story >:)

Robot: I accidentally blew up his breakfast.

EmoWizard: "Accidentally"

FarmerBoy: HOW DO U ACCIDENTALLY BLOW UP SOEMONES BREAKFAST???????????

Robot: I don't want to talk about it anymore.

FarmerBoy: RIP the emo's morning meal. 

Weeb: u will be missed

SwordsRCool: f

FarmerBoy: F

Weeb: f

GridballMaster: F

TheArtist: F. u-u

BeachLife: Why is everyone just saying the letter 'F'?

FarmerBoy: we're paying our respects to the lost life

BeachLife: Ah.

Robot: It was just food you all seriously need to chill.

EmoWizard: So anyways, who wants to share their food, and/or buy me food? Because Demetrius came out to check out the explosion so I left and therefor didn't eat.

FarmerBoy: I got you.

EmoWizard: I take back what I said yesterday.

FarmerBoy: On a scale of 1 to 10

EmoWizard: You were an 8 and now you're a 4.

FarmerBoy: YELL HEAH

SwordsRCool: This is,,,so,,,gay,,

Weeb: yea,,

GridballMaster: just a little bit

FarmerBoy: SPEAKING OF GAY

Weeb: o no

FarmerBoy: TELL ME WHY ALL THESE OLD PEOPLE CAN'T GET IT THROUGH THEIR THICK SKULLS THAT I LIKE DICK

SwordsRCool: Be more pacific ocean 

FarmerBoy: so far i've gotten that "protective" talk from demetrius, pierre, pam, AND the mayor???? 

FarmerBoy: but only about the girls

FarmerBoy: i thought i was doin a pretty good job making it clear that i'm hella fucking gay

SwordsRCool: HWNE DID MY DAD GIVE U THE "TALK"?!?!?

Robot: I'm not even surprised to be honest. 

Weeb: what did the mayor even say 2 u tho

FarmerBoy: like a few days ago abby, after the graveyard

FarmerBoy: He was like "I know how boys your age are and I want you to know that while I respect you I will not tolerate if you hurt any young lady here." 

FarmerBoy: this was today 

Weeb: holy shit dude

SwordsRCool: Oh. Actually I guess I can see why my dad would say somethin then-

EmoWizard: What happened between you two?

SwordsRCool: I was practicing with my sword in the graveyard at night and Farmer showed up so obviously we chatted because we're friends and my dad pops up from no where, yells at me, and then Farmer and I ran away.

Weeb: wink wink nudge nudge

SwordsRCool: I'll cut u

EmoWizard: Oh.

FarmerBoy: So anyways @ every single guy in this chat who wants 2 dance wit me at next years flower dance

No: <-

FarmerBoy: AWE SHANE

No: I meant my username is my answer you dumb ass.

FarmerBoy: I know ;'(

EmoWizard: Absolutely not.

GridballMaster: Haley's always my partner sorry bro

Frankenstein: I would rather not. My apologies.

Frankenstein: What happened to my name?!

FarmerBoy: We'll get to that l8r i need answers rn

Weeb: dude ill totally dance with you

FarmerBoy: pass

Weeb: I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS

FarmerBoy: I'M KIDDING

Weeb: the damage has already been done 

FarmerBoy: NO WEEB I LUV U PLS DANCE WITH ME IN SPRING

Weeb: ok 

FarmerBoy: i owe you

Weeb: oh? >:3c

FarmerBoy: .

FarmerBoy: I've made a terrible mistake.

Frankenstein: Are you both quite done.

EmoWizard: Did you not scroll up while you had the chance?

Frankenstein: No.

SwordsRCool: Well then scroll up, we ain't gotta tell u shit.

FarmerBoy: harsher than i would have said it but yeah

Weeb: its a fitting name dont u think? wipes away single tear

Frankenstein: One day I'm going to log out of this app, and delete it. One of these days.

Weeb: u cant

Frankenstein: And why is that?

Weeb: wat if 1 of us has an emergency and needs u and the only way to reach u is this??????

Frankenstein: Of course you choose now to be logical. 

Weeb: >;^

Frankenstein: How do you change names?

FarmerBoy: LOL

GridballMaster: no1 tell him

SwordsRCool: If you can't figure it out u don't deserve to have ur name changed

Frankenstein: Sigh.

Weeb: HEY WAIT MARU DID U DO THE THING????? 

FarmerBoy: oh damn i forgot all about that tbh

SwordsRCool: @Robot

Robot: Yeah.

FarmerBoy: what the fuck u waitin for send that shit in

Robot: About that.

EmoWizard: Maybe next time don't plan these things in the public chat.

Weeb: sebastian remember we all luv u

EmoWizard: I hope you all rot in hell.

FarmerBoy: BUT BASTIAN I THOUGHT I WAS A 4

EmoWizard: You drop to a 9.

FarmerBoy: f uCk

GridballMaster: isnt that backwards????

FarmerBoy: i must be number one >:/

GridballMaster: o rip u then


	3. One Man's Trash Is Another Man's Treasure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FarmBoy: Player  
> Weeb: Sam  
> SwordsRCool: Abigail  
> EmoWizard: Sebastian  
> Frankenstein: Harvey  
> No: Shane  
> SummerGirl: Haley  
> GridballMaster: Alex  
> Robot: Maru  
> Fashionista: Emily  
> BeachLife: Elliott  
> TheArtist: Leah  
> Penny: Penny

\- Fall, Year 2 Tuesday -  
\- 1:57 PM -

FarmerBoy: I have just had the best idea ever. The only problem is I have to wait for spring :L

Frankenstein: I hesitate to ask what this idea is.

FarmerBoy: do u know vine?

Frankenstein: No.

Weeb: i heard vine and came as soon as i could

FarmerBoy: Oh yeah? ;D

Weeb: yeah ;o

GridballMaster: gay

EmoWizard: You're gay.

GridballMaster: yougotmethere.png

TheArtist: What was your idea?

FarmerBoy: i'm gunna plant my crops in the shape of a giant dick

TheArtist: The pinnacle of Farming Aesthetic, truly.

FarmerBoy: will u paint it so it can be looked upon long after i leave this world????

TheArtist: I have to ask that you pay for it. ^^;

FarmerBoy: i was planning on it i just wanted to see if you'd actually do it-

EmoWizard: Lewis will have an aneurysm when he sees it.

SwordsRCool: perish

FarmerBoy: ABIGAYLE PWEASE

SwordsRCool: p e r i s h

Robot: Knowing I won't get an actual answer I'm still going to ask: Why are you all like this?

Weeb: ur mom thats why

Robot: Looks into the camera like I'm in the Office.

TheArtist: You knew, and yet you still asked.

Robot: I was hoping MAYBE I'd get surprised.

SwordsRCool: You forget who ur talking to

Robot: Obviously.

Frankenstein: So what is...vine? Farmer asked if I knew what it was and then didn't elaborate.

FarmerBoy: i'm omw ;)

Frankenstein: Please just tell me instead.

Weeb: technically vine has been dead but there are still comps on youtube

Robot: A vine is a 6 second video. They're called vines because the app/site that was used, was called Vine.

FarmerBoy: It was a gift to this earth. And we're gunna watch all my faves.

Frankenstein: I am working currently.

FarmerBoy: AND WHEN DO YOU EVER HAVE PATIENTS?????

Robot: Nobody's scheduled for today.

Frankenstein: Maru why.

Robot: (:

SwordRCool: Maru's a cold blooded murderer holy sh I T

EmoWizard: I think this weird emotion I'm feeling is pride?

Robot: Disgusting.

EmoWizard: When it's towards you, yeah.

Weeb: and here we see the siblings. bonding over mutual disgust of each other.

SwordsRCool: Nature truly is wonderful.

\- 2:45 PM -

FarmingBoy: I MISSED THE BONDING 

No: Rip.

FarmingBoy: i love it when they bond :(((

No: Don't

No: Ever say those words in that structure to me ever. Again.

FarmingBoy: y do u hate me in this way

No: I hate, literally, everyone. 

FarmingBoy: i give u pizza and peppers AND PEPPER POPPERS

FarmingBoy: you should AT LEAST hate me a little less than everyone else

No: The fuck do I look like?

FarmingBoy: my friend????? i say as tears flow down my face and a sob escapes my throat

No: That. Right there. Is why we're not friends.

FarmingBoy: SOBS HARDER

EmoLizard: Shane look at what you did. You made farmer cry.

No: After making him a 9 you get no say in this, emo fuck.

EmoWizard: Damn, now I'm crying.

Weeb: GUYS NOOOOO don't cry i'll crY ;-;

No: Pathetic.

SwordsRCool: Shane as is the laws of this land I have to duel you to the death.

No: There are no laws like that.

SwordsRCool: THE LAWS OF ABIGAIL BITCH

No: Yeah ok

\- 5:23 PM -

FarmingBoy: brokenglasses.png

FarmingBoy: HARVEY ARE YOU MISSING UR GLASSES?????

Weeb: rip

FarmingBoy: I'M SO CONCERNED RIGHT NOW WHAT IF HE'S WANDERING AROUND NOT BEING ABLE TO SEE???

Weeb: y dont u tag him?

FarmingBoy: o u rite

FarmingBoy: @frankenstein

Frankenstein: I haven't lost my glasses, thankfully. 

FarmingBoy: MARU DID U LOSE UR GLASSES

Robot: Nope.

FarmingBoy: ok then whos glasses did i fish outta the river?????

Robot: No idea.

SwordsRCool: A part of me wants to say "I hope they're my dad's." but i know that if he lost his glasses he'd be freaking out and I'd have heard by now.

FarmingBoy: imma just throw them away then

Frankenstein: As opposed to keeping them?

FarmingBoy: i'm keeping them forever now

FarmingBoy: I'll put them on the mantle. 

SummerGirl: This is one of those times where I wish Farmer is joking but I know he's completely serious.

FarmingBoy: is this y we're not friends???

SummerGirl: Yes.

FarmingBoy: ;(((

\- 10:45 PM -

FarmingBoy: heyy did yall know theres a mouse out in cindersap forest that sells hats???????

No: Stop.

Farmingboy: there is tho!!!

Fashionista: I'm sure it's possible.

No: Mice don't- never mind I'm not arguing against this.

FarmingBoy: shane get your shoes on we're going on a hike

No: It's 10 at night I am not leaving the house.

FarmBoy: Okay tomorrow we're going on a hike.

No: I have work.

FarmingBoy: After >:(

Fashionista: Farmer? Are you out in the forest right now?

No: Ugh.

FarmingBoy: maybe why do u ask

Fashionista: Because what IN THE FRESH HELL ARE YOU DOING OUT THERE THIS LATE!?!?!?

FarmingBoy: buying hats?

Fashionista: You better be heading home soon. >:c

FarmingBoy: Yes Ma'am. 

Fashionista: Thank you :)

FarmingBoy: before i go shane i'll be outside joja when u get off so don't try to get out of this

FarmingBoy: because i will find u

Weeb: and i will kill u

No: Fine.

FarmingBoy: Ohey sam what is the up

Weeb: just finished an anime and i am crying my eyes out whats up wit u

FarmingBoy: buying hats from a mouse in the middle of the woods

Weeb: cool

FarmingBoy: yeah i have pink bow now 

Weeb: what kind of hats are there?

FarmingBoy: different kinds of bows, baseball cap, cowboy hat, a tiara, shit like that

Weeb: ooooo

No: You BELIEVE him?

Weeb: farmer has my complete trust

FarmingBoy: a bad decision, probably

Weeb: and yet here we r

FarmingBoy: ;^

No: I feel like I'm the only sane one in this whole fucking town.


	4. Moral Of The Story: Don't Fuck With Haley

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FarmBoy: Player  
> Weeb: Sam  
> SwordsRCool: Abigail  
> EmoWizard: Sebastian  
> Frankenstein: Harvey  
> No: Shane  
> SummerGirl: Haley  
> GridballMaster: Alex  
> Robot: Maru  
> Fashionista: Emily  
> BeachLife: Elliott  
> TheArtist: Leah  
> Penny: Penny

\- Fall, Year 2, Wednesday -  
\- 6:58 PM -

Fashionista: Has anyone heard from Farmer or Shane???

BeachLife: Was Farmer not showing Shane the Hat Mouse?

Fashionista: Well, yeah. But Shane gets out around 5. It's been almost two hours. I'm getting worried :(

BeachLife: I'm sure they're fine.

Weeb: maybe the hat nouse killed them

EmoWizard: nouse

SwordsRCool: nouse

Weeb: u 2 are supposed to be my friends

EmoWizard: That's why I'm pointing our your mistake, like a true friend.

SwordsRCool: I'll go with what Sebastian said.

Fashionista: Should someone go into the forest to make sure they're okay?

SwordsRCool: You know Farmer has a sword right? And that he goes into the mines like every few days?

FamrMna: and that he's big and strong and rlly rlly handsome????

Fashionista: Farmer!

FamrMna: sup

Fashionista: Are you okay?

FamrMna: yeah?

EmoWizard: She thought the nouse had killed you.

Weeb: PWJEFOBEVLD;JPL

No: if ucjb widn

EmoWizard: What the fuck did you just say to me.

FamrMna: He said "I fucking wish". I'm still hangin with him, that's how I know. He's also drunk as FUUUUUUCK

EmoWizard: Rip.

Fashionista: I did not think the nouse had killed them, that was Sam!

Weeb: why do u all hate me

FamrMna: the nouse wouldn't hurt a fly i'll have u know

FamrMna: but weeb. i love you. so so much.

Weeb: obviously nOT

FamrMna: i buy you pizza

Weeb: u rite

Weeb: why do all of u, minus farmer, hate me

EmoWizard: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Fashionista: I don't hate you :(

Weeb: sebastian is it because of that 1 time in middle school??

EmoWizard: Probably.

Weeb: i've said sorry so many times dude ;-;

EmoWizard: And I'm petty.

FamrMna: HOLD THE PHONE THERE

FamrMna: y'all gon give us the deets before y'all continue?!??!?!

EmoWizard: No. And if Sam, OR Abigail, tell any of you I WILL make their lives living HELL.

SummerGirl: Calm down there goth boy

EmoWizard: Shut the fuck up prissy bitch.

SummerGirl: I wouldn't be like that Sebastian I also know what happened in middle school :)

EmoWizard: I would love to say that there's no way in any reality that you could ever know, but I also know you have ways. So instead I'm just going to say- I'm going to kill myself.

SummerGirl: I won't tell. For now.

EmoWizard: I hate everything about this. So. Much.

SummerGirl: Really? Cause I'm loving this.

FamrMna: note to self don't piss off haley damn

SwordsRCool: J F C

Robot: Haley I would like to say that even though we don't really like each other all that much, I suddenly have the Highest Respect for you.

SummerGirl: ~ ☆


	5. It's Time To Stop

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FarmBoy: Player  
> Weeb: Sam  
> SwordsRCool: Abigail  
> EmoWizard: Sebastian  
> Harvey: Harvey  
> No: Shane  
> SummerGirl: Haley  
> GridballMaster: Alex  
> Robot: Maru  
> Fashionista: Emily  
> BeachLife: Elliott  
> TheArtist: Leah  
> Penny: Penny

\- Fall Year 2, Friday -  
\- 2:08 PM -

AgricultureMale: i've eaten so much chicken the past 3 days and let me tell u i have no regerts

No: You absolute fucking monster.

SwordsRCool: Okay but why do u have so much chicken at your disposal???

AgricultureMale: SHANE YOU EAT CHICKEN ALL THE DAMN TIME 

AgricultureMale: abby there's this wonderful place called a store

SwordsRCool: if it's joja i'm not allowed :(

No: Yeah. But that's like gorging yourself.

AgricultureMale: there are. other chains besides joja. and i mean I GUESS

SwordsRCool: Not here tho lmao

No: Don't ever speak to me ever again.

AgricultureMale: c. cars.

AgricultureMale: y do u hurt me in this way i don't deserve this

EmoWizard: He says this to you like every week. At this point you'd think you'd be used to the pain.

SwordsRCool: Sometimes. I forget cars exist.

AgricultureMale: You would think but it's like a fresh wound every time

EmoWizard: Alright, Elliott.

AgricultureMale: OEHIVBJDNDWPJO ST O P

Weeb: dude how do u forget cars exist????

SwordsRCool: Because only like three people in town own a vehicle and they rarely leave

Weeb: o

Weeb: tru

EmoWizard: Sometimes I forget I actually exist.

AgricultureMale: same

Weeb: guys

SwordsRCool: relatable 

Weeb: g u y s 

No: I wish I didn't exist.

EmoWizard: Me three.

AgricultureMale: 25/8 

Weeb: ARE YOU ALL OKAY HOLY SHIT

No: No.

EmoWizard: Probably.

AgricultureMale: Shrugs.

SwordsRCool: I'm good my dude.

\- 4:34 PM -

Frankenstein: Honestly you all worry me sometimes. 

EmoWizard: Good.

BeetsBoi: sorry :(

No: Well stop i didn't ask u 2.

Frankenstein: Sigh.

Frankenstein: I will either way. It's my job, but you're all also my friends(or I'd like to believe anyways) so job or not I would still worry.

BeetsBoi: AWE HARVEY 

EmoWizard: O.

No: We are not, and never will be friends. But okay.

Frankenstein: I said I'd like to believe.

EmoWizard: Yeah, Shane, don't kill our dear doctor's dreams of us all being good friends.

No: It's revolting.

EmoWizard: You're revolting.

No: That's true.

BeetsBoi: Y'ALL STOP NOW GEEZ

BeetsBoi: YOU KNOW WHAT NO MORE NEGATIVE TALK FOR THE REST OF THE DAY WE ALL GON BE P O S I T I V E

No: Kay bye

EmoWizard: Ugh. Fine.

Weeb: I'M HERE TO BRIGHTEN UR DAY

Weeb: @Penny

Penny: Wh

Weeb: help us b postive

Penny: Oh! Okay!

BeetsBoi: o heyy whats up penpen

Penny: Nothing much. I was just watching TV. ^^

BeetsBoi: nice

Penny: Oh! You know what we should have? A negativity jar. 

Weeb: so like 

Weeb: a swear jar but for negative people

Penny: Yeah!

Weeb: HELL YEAH

EmoWizard: I'll never be allowed to speak ever again.

BeetsBoi: a good idea in theory but then like half the active people won't be able to talk :((

Penny: That's,,,true;;

Weeb: y'all rite

BeetsBoi: WE COULD HAVE A POSITIVE DAY

Penny: That's a great idea! One day every month where everyone has to be positive!

BeetsBoi: Y E A H

Weeb: WHAT DAY

BeetsBoi: STARTING TOMORROW BITCH

BeetsBoi: because today's almost over :'

Weeb: aight

EmoWizard: I'm not leaving my room OR answering my phone tomorrow.

No: Same.

BeetsBoi: ok :)

SwordsRCool: do u 2 have any final wishes??

No: Just make it quick.

EmoWizard: Farmer gets my motorcycle.

BeetsBoi: G AS P

Weeb: HES THE ONE KILLING U

EmoWizard: Listen. Sam. We're best friends okay. But never in a million years would I ever trust my bike to you.

EmoWizard: You don't even have your license.

Weeb: That's fair.


	6. Positive Day!! aka Crying Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i just wanna apologize for taking so long with writing this chapter, and that it's so short  
> but i've been having a bit of trouble myself with being positive lately

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FarmBoy: Player  
> Weeb: Sam  
> SwordsRCool: Abigail  
> EmoWizard: Sebastian  
> Frankenstein: Harvey  
> No: Shane  
> SummerGirl: Haley  
> GridballMaster: Alex  
> Robot: Maru  
> Fashionista: Emily  
> BeachLife: Elliott  
> TheArtist: Leah  
> Penny: Penny

\- Fall Year 2, Saturday -  
\- 5:58 AM -

BeetsBoi: I just want all of y'all to know I cherish all of you so much even if I haven't been here for that long yet, like honestly moving here was the best thing I've ever done. So thank you all for being the amazing people you are and I hope y'all have a great day!<3

\- 10:06 PM -

Weeb: dude.....i'm legit crying rn

BeetsBoi: S O R R Y 

Weeb: NO IT'S LIKE GOOD TEARS 

Fashionista: I cried when I read it earlier to be honest ^^"

Weeb: everyone's gunna cry when they read it

BeetsBoi: o o FS

Penny: Honestly, Farmer, the town has become a better place since you moved here. It seems like people are happier, and more livelier. I'm so glad to have met you. And I hope you have a wonderful day as well!<3

BeetsBoi: o o FSx2 i'm crying now

Penny: And I'm also very glad I know everyone else as well! I love this town, and I love everyone in it. And I hope everyone has a wonderful day, because you all deserve it!!<3<3

SwordsRCool: just actually shoot us in the heart next time it would hurt less than these tears

Penny: I didn't mean to make anyone cry either! I apologize! 

BeetsBoi: no u good!!

Weeb: yeah !!

Robot: ofblveefwle AWWEEEEE

Penny: :)

BeachLife: This was such a pleasant time to open the chat.

Fashionista: It's positive day!!

BeachLife: Oh! That makes sense. Well then, I must say I should contribute. The whole town is delightful as is everyone who lives in it. I wouldn't wish to be anywhere else.

GridbalMasterl: y'all're cool i guess

SummerGirl: Even though I don't really get along with a lot of you it's really nice when we do town-wide events. It feels like a proper community and everyone is so inclusive~☆

Frankstein: I apologize for being quite late, but I am also so glad I've met everyone in town! You are all so beautiful in your own ways and I cannot wait to see how you all grow!!

No: Sometimes. You guys don't make me want to die.

BeetsBoi: GASP SHANE REALLY

No: .

No: Maybe.

BeetsBoi: I'll take it ;w;

TheArtist: I know I sound repetitive but seriously I'm so glad I moved here when I did, knowing all of you has been so amazing~!! ╰(˵ヘ?ヘ✿)╯

SwordsRCool: nice use of the emoticon

TheArtist: Thanks !

EmoWizard: In the darkest parts of my soul, the parts that never see the light of day, sometimes I am blithe to know all of you.

Weeb: thanks bro

EmoWizard: no prob

GridballMaster: what exactly does that even say,,,

Weeb: i have no idea, but i'm hoping it means something good

BeetsBoi: me 3 tbh


	7. Winter Is Not Kind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FarmBoy: Player  
> Weeb: Sam  
> SwordsRCool: Abigail  
> EmoWizard: Sebastian  
> Frankenstein: Harvey  
> No: Shane  
> SummerGirl: Haley  
> GridballMaster: Alex  
> Robot: Maru  
> Fashionista: Emily  
> BeachLife: Elliott  
> TheArtist: Leah  
> Penny: Penny

\- Winter Year 2, Monday -  
\- 6:58 AM -

BeetsBoi: WHY THE FUCK

BeetsBoi: IS IT SO COLD

BeetsBoi: I'M DYING Y'ALL

Frankenstein: Yes, it does tend to get cold in the winter.

BeetsBoi: I will destroy you.

SwordsRCool: farmer

SwordsRCool: zuzu city is like an hour or so away, so in the same climate.

BeetsBoi: YOU THINK I WENT OUTSIDE IN THE WINTER

SwordsRCool: HOW DID YOU GET ANYWHERE??? WHAT ABOUT UR WORK?????

BeetsBoi: BITCH MY APARTMENT BUILDING HAD AN UNDERGROUND PARKING LOT

BeetsBoi: SO DID MY PLACE OF WORK. WHICH WAS AN OFFICE BUILDING. 

SwordsRCool: so u saying u never went anywhere else

Frankenstein: What about food?

BeetsBoi: during the winter ya lmao

BeetsBoi: Harvey. You can order groceries online. It's beautiful. Also, delivery.

SwordsRCool: welp. rip farmer then

BeetsBoi: kill me

EmoWizard: That can be arranged. Surprise or no?

BeetsBoi: No.

EmoWizard: Ballsy. I like it.

BeetsBoi: ;^

EmoWizard: I'm coming to your house right fucking now to take you out. Because of that wink.

BeetsBoi: i knew my winking emoticons would get me somewhere in life

SwordsRCool: okay but technically,,,,it's not

BeetsBoi: ,,,,u rite,,,but u know what i mean,,

SwordsRCool: do i??

BeetsBoi: I. Don't. Only you really know the answer to that

SwordsRCool: :)

BeetsBoi: my brain hurts now :(

SwordsRCool: sorry :(

Weeb: so if farmer dies who gets his farm???????

BeetsBoi: u just want my cat

Weeb: whaat. naaaawww

BeetsBoi: i can't believe this. i'm going to be killed and one of my best friends only cares about my cat

Weeb: NO FARMER I HEART U

BeetsBoi: penny gets Kaden 

Weeb: OOFS

SwordsRCool: wow soon the meme team will be just me and sebastian

EmoWizard: Not if I off myself after killing Farmer.

SwordsRCool: wow soon the meme team will be just me

BeetsBoi: remember us as we were

SwordsRCool: clenches fist. a weeb, an emo lord, and a farm boy.

BeetsBoi: i wasn't even a good farm boy

Weeb: but you were the beets

BeetsBoi: SHHSJSJWKSOSKOS

BeetsBoi: i sure as hell was ; u ;

EmoWizard: Okay, I'm at Farmer's say your goodbyes. 

SwordsRCool: i'm stealing ur sick ass sword bye

Weeb: i'll meet u in the after life bro

\- 11:24 AM -

Robot: What the hell even happened earlier.

SwordsRCool: I'm the only surviving member of the Meme Team :((

GridballMaster: that's so sad alexa play despacito

SwordsRCool: Thanks Alex, you're a bro.

GridballMaster: no prob

Robot: I literally saw Sam, Farmer, and my brother hanging out by Sam's house like ten minutes ago.

SwordsRCool: Must've been their ghosts my dude.

Robot: Ok.

GridballMaster: so like if theyre dead does that mean there will b funerals????? 

SwordsRCool: Absolutely.

GridballMaster: awesome

SwordsRCool: But like they'll be viking funerals. It's what they would have wanted u^u

GridballMaster: not sure what that means but sounds lit

SwordsRCool: Oh it will be.


	8. Who Doesn't Do Drug Deals Online??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FarmBoy: Player  
> Weeb: Sam  
> SwordsRCool: Abigail  
> EmoWizard: Sebastian  
> Frankenstein: Harvey  
> No: Shane  
> SummerGirl: Haley  
> GridballMaster: Alex  
> Robot: Maru  
> Fashionista: Emily  
> BeachLife: Elliott  
> TheArtist: Leah  
> Penny: Penny

\- Winter Year 2, Tuesday -  
\- 10:09 PM - 

VeggieMen: ABIGAIL WHAT THE FUCK

SwordsRCool: What?

VeggieMen: I CANNOT B E L I E V E YOU BURNED DOWN A PIER

SwordsRCool: Sometimes,,,,you accidentally burn down a pier during a fake funeral,,,

Weeb: honestly i'm surprised it hasn't happened sooner

GridballMaster: i see what u meant by it'll be lit now

SwordsrCool: :) 

EmoWizard: Okay, but at least it was the pier no one goes to often?

VeggieMen: weeb u is rite ngl aND i used it u-u

EmoWizard: Rip.

BeachLife: It is a bit of an eyesore now, though.

SwordsRCool: Lewis will make sure it's fixed sooner or later. Probably in the spring.

BeachLife: That is true.

TheArtist: All I have to say is - Nice.

SwordsRCool: thx

Fashionista: I'm disappointed, but not surprised.

SummerGirl: Why.

SwordsRCool: you and both my parents em

SwordsRCool: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT 

SummerGirl: Sure it was.

SwordsRCool: A happy little accident :)

SummerGirl: If that's what you want to call it.

Frankenstein: I suppose it had to happen sooner or later.

EmoWizard: Oh, totally. In fact I was definitely going to set that exact pier on fire while baked out of my mind if no one did it soon.

Frankenstein: WHAT

EmoWizard: I'm kidding.

Frankenstein: ,,,,

EmoWizard: Or maybe I'm not.

EmoWizard: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Frankenstein: I'm going to assume you are. And leave it at that.

VeggieMen: That reminds me ssseeebbb did u??? :3c

EmoWizard: Yes.

VeggieMen: YEET

Frankenstein: Dare I ask?

SwordsRCool: do it, pussy

Weeb: DOES THAT MEAN WHAT I THINK IT MEANS

EmoWizard: Yes.

Weeb: OOOOHHHHHH

VeggieMen: abby be nice :(

SwordsRCool: oofs

SwordsRCool: i dare u to ask doc 

Frankenstein: What are you all excited about?

EmoWizard: .

EmoWizard: Listen.

Weeb: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

VeggieMen: We are going to get fuckt.

GridballMaster: y'all gon fuck

VeggieMen: That too.

Frankenstein: Oh.

EmoWizard: Just the first one.

SwordsRCool: probably ;0

Weeb: we shall see

VeggieMen: ;3c

EmoWizard: Ok.

SummerGirl: And you're not going to share?

EmoWizard: I'm not rich.

SummerGirl: Fair.

Weeb: Wait harvs >:)

Frankenstein: Yes?

Weeb: u ever done dank shit?

Frankenstein: No.

Weeb: u wanna?

Frankenstein: Not particularly.

SwordsRCool: i would pay to see that

VeggieMen: if u do hit me up 

Frankenstein: I will keep the offer in mind.

No: He won't.

VeggieMen: SHANE

No: What.

VeggieMen: Hi :(

No: Yo

VeggieMen: How are you? :)

No: I want death as usual

EmoWizard: Don't we all.

GridballMaster: no

Weeb: n no

VeggieMen: s weats

TheArtist: You know what I've always want to try?

VeggieMen: What???? :0

TheArtist: Acid.

SwordsRCool: HWTA

Fashionista: I could probably get you some.

SwordsRCool: TAHWT

TheArtist: Ooh, really~??

VeggieMen: Dude think of the shit you could paint or draw or somethin on acid

TheArtist: That's why I would like to try at least once

SummerGirl: Oh, but when I want some it's "Nooo I have no idea what you're talking about, Haley."

Fashionista: YOU ARE MY SISTER.

Fashionista: But I'll let you know Leah.

TheArtist: Thank

SummerGirl: SO?!

Fashionista: I AM NOT GIVING MY SISTER DRUGS

SummerGirl: Fine.

EmoWizard: I love when the sibling rivalry happening isn't involving me.

SwordsRCool: You secretly love it

EmoWizard: Ew.


	9. Forbidden Hugs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw, I changed it to year two instead of one. I just kinda said it without thinking and I realized there's no way to get some of the things in the first year. Two is debatable but I don't wanna make it too late, if that makes sense? Anyways it's just for fun so does it really matter?
> 
> FarmBoy: Player   
> Weeb: Sam  
> SwordsRCool: Abigail  
> EmoWizard: Sebastian  
> Frankenstein: Harvey  
> No: Shane  
> SummerGirl: Haley  
> GridballMaster: Alex  
> Robot: Maru  
> Fashionista: Emily  
> BeachLife: Elliott  
> TheArtist: Leah  
> Penny: Penny

\- Winter Year 2, Friday -  
\- 11:39 PM -

BeetsestBoi: Hey what's up I'm still ~ F r e e z i n g to death ~

GridballMaster: uv been ded for days 

BeetsestBoi: O

BeetsestBoi: I forgot lmao

Robot: Hey what's up Who wants to bail me out of work???

BeetsestBoi: If i wasn't currently in the mines i'd save u but alas

GridballMaster: Nah.

Robot: Fuck.

EmoWizard: You know your boss is like. In this chat.

Robot: He's busy and we all know he doesn't read past chats.

Emowizard: But if someone, say, sent an anonymous message to him?

Robot: Then that certain CUCK of an anon's stepfather will learn some new things.

Robot: I can finally put my blackmail folder to use.

EmoWizard: Hint taken.

GridballMaster: the hell is a cuck

BeetsestBoi: Ruh roh

GridballMaster: ???

EmoWizard: Rip.

Robot: I'm not going to be that person, bye.

GridballMaster: damn ok 

 

\- 5:43 PM -

No: I absolutely fucking hate myself for asking this, but please someone get farmer he's going kill me.

EmoWizard: Explain.

No: He's covered head to toe in some gunk from the mine and hes trying to h u g me

EmoWizard: Sucks to be you, huh.

BeetsestBoi: Just a quick hug Shane :((

No: N O

BeetsestBoi: It's just slime goo u-u

No: "Just slime goo" go take a fucking shower u heathen

EmoWizard: Farmer, why the fuck are you covered in slime goo first of all. Second of all, why are you trying to hug Shane.

BeetsestBoi: okok so like i got this sick ass new ring that makes it so slimes don't hurt me

BeetsestBoi: they're squishy :)

BeetsestBoi: anyways shane looked like he needed a hug

EmoWizard: Makes perfect sense.

No: ur not actually going to help me r u emofuck

EmoWizard: Lmao, no. Then he'll wanna hug me.

BeetsestBoi: .

BeetsestBoi: why does no one ever accept my love wtf

Weeb: tf i always accept ur love

No: then come to the ranch and let him hug u

Weeb: omw

BeetsestBoi: >:3c

No: then u can leave

BeetsestBoi: i gU E S S

No: k bye

EmoWizard: Farmer since you know Sam is on his way you should just start running and tackle him. That way he can't see the goo and has no time to run away.

BeetsestBoi: ur right brb

BeachLife: How iniquitous of you, Sebastian.

EmoWizard: No idea what you're referring to.

BeachLife: Of course not.

SwordsRCool: wait shane

SwordsRCool: @No

No: the fuck u want

SwordsRCool: when u say covered head to toe,,,,,

No: his hair was practically red instead of the normal color

SwordsRCool: damn did he have an orgy with slimes holy shit why didn't he invite me

SwordsRCool: but can we get some F's in chat for our weeb?

EmoWizard: He deserves it.

BeachLife: F

No: better him than me

SwordsRCool: wow guys

SwordsRCool: elliott over here bein a tru mvp

BeachLife: I still don't necessarily understand it, but it is apparently respectful?

SwordsRCool: it is uwu

BeachLife: :)

Weeb: y'all rlly just let me walk into that

EmoWizard: Would you expect otherwise?

Weeb: from u or shane? ,,,,ur right

BeetsestBoi: for the record i did not in fact have an orgy with slimes

SwordsRCool: disappointing 

BeetsestBoi: i


End file.
